Natural Habitats

Florida is not my natural habitat. The moment I drove over the state line, my stomach tightened into a ball of anxiety. All I could think was, "There is only one way out." Whenever I go into a movie theatre, I check my exits. If an emergency happens, how am I getting my family out alive? In Florida, there is only one exit and it's at the top. We were headed to the skinny, tiny, flaky, bottom of the state. In Florida, there is only one exit. I have been panicking ever since we arrived.

Not only that, no one uses a blinker. I truly mean no one. I am the ultimate rule follower and blinkers are no exception. Also, while I'm at it, please give me breathing room while I drive. Tailgating is not a feature that calms me. This will not make me go faster when I'm already dutifully driving 9 miles per hour over the speed limit. And yes, I know 9mph over is technically not following the rules, but everyone knows that 9mph over the speed limit IS the silent rule. And while we're talking about driving, why are 33% of all billboards advertising a different lawyer who will get me big bucks for my future accident? Is the goal to get in an accident? If so, I know understand the tailgating and lack of blinker usage.

Now let's talk about climate. My natural climate is cold. I'm a winter baby and a blizzard is my happy place. Nothing brings me more joy than a snowy day with a fire, cup of hot coffee and book on the couch. The climate here involves zero fires unless you're talking about the sensation of heat that slaps you in the face as you walk out into the infernal temperatures. ITS. REALLY. HOT. It's so hot in fact, I almost passed out while watching a man wrestle an alligator in the Everglades. Loren carried me back to the car and 3 bottles of cold water and a bag of ice revived me back to the reality of ITS. REALLY. HOT. 

I watched a man drive a car whose front tires were jacked up so high, he had to extend his head out of the window to see while changing lanes. I have seen lightning strikes so frequently and so close to me, I am bound to become a human smore any day now. I have driven highways with two different speed limits posted right next to each other. Does this mean driving speed is optional? Don't get me started on the amount of bridges that connect this state. It makes me wonder if humans were meant to live here.

All this being said, I haven't met a single person that hasn't been beyond kind to us. Our boat captain Jimbo was delightfully friendly to the kids and got us prime seating on the airboat while he regaled us with the names of all the local wildlife and fauna. Our gator wrestler quickly got me cold water and a bag of ice when he saw me go pale and lightheaded. Our gasoline filling neighbor advised us to please be careful of the heat and not drink alcohol or we may pass out (we have Jersey plates, and well, Jersey has a summertime reputation). Our friends in Fort Lauderdale generously welcomed us and made us feel right at home. Our new farmer friend Robert educated us on all the varied fruit he sold and how and when to eat for maximum flavor potential. Our hotel manager in the Keys gave us the warmest and friendliest welcome to any hotel we've had on this trip. Not only that, she offered for us to stay even longer for free so the kids could use the beach and kayaks more. And so on, and so on. I may have come here thinking everyone in Florida was the person I pictured in my head from FOX News. I have no doubt those people exist, just like the people they imagine from CNN live in Jersey too. It's an amazing thing to still be surprised by humanity. In a land that truly is not my natural habitat, I am still finding kindness and goodness all around me. I may feel like a stranger in a foreign land, but I will be leaving as a welcomed guest who is invited to return.